End of January

I don't seem to have a lot of time to post much here anymore. There are funny things still happening that are worth mentioning, but I can never remember them when I sit down here.
Oh well.

It has been awfully busy this past month. Christmas went well. Scott and Kelsey's visit was really nice. I was really happy to spend some time with them.

I have had some clouds of worry regarding my employment situation creep in. I was really close to having my position cut for budget reasons at the end of 2009. They have decided not to, which is great, but my natural paranoia is having a hard time trusting that it won't happen if things don't get busier down here. Things are business as usual until I hear different, I guess. I am more fortunate than others have been and I am grateful for that. I still have been able to feel a sense of peace about this, even if I did get laid off. I am working on a contingency plan to cover myself though, and it is NOT as a male gigolo.

I still have been going to the gym regularly and am still eating better. I had been struggling to see a difference in my appearance until I looked at some pictures that were taken at my family reunion in July. There is a big difference in my stomach. I look like I had just polished off eating a big meal and perhaps one of my smaller cousins by accident.

My goal for 2010 is still to be consistent. I have been and have made it to January 24th so far without breaking that resolution. What I am working toward when it comes to work, church and being me is just to string a bunch of good days together and to work my ass off in all areas. I really enjoy and depend on going to the gym every day. I can leave stress and frustration there instead of letting it permeate my mood and ruin my day.

I need to get to bed, as Monday just arrived. (insert expletive here)

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

I woke up to a balmy -32 degrees Celsius this morning. For my American relatives, and those with an aversion to the metric system, that converts to -26 degrees Fahrenheit. Our van wouldn't start and Kathy walked to work. That is two blocks from our house with a -50 windchill, but she is a tough as nails, ironclad pioneer woman. Having the extension cord plug packed with snow wouldn't allow the block heater to work properly. I also had to bring my battery charger inside to thaw it with Kathy's hair dryer so it would run. I got it thawed and the van started. My car is plugged in and hopefully should start before I head to work this afternoon. My truck battery is dead, sulfated and needs to be replaced. The frozen extension cord is upstairs thawing over a heat register. This is truly a Canadian winter morning.

My work cell hasn't started ringing yet, which is good. It is usually colder in Medicine Hat than in Lethbridge, so I have had issues to contend with recently due to the extreme cold. I maintain the truck fleets for Waste Management in both cities and have worked to ready the trucks for use in the extreme cold. So far, so good.

Life has been busy lately. As usual, my sausage fingers and subconscious mind typed busty. Life has not been busty, just busy. If anything, it is less busty, with my steadily shrinking man boobs.
That is too much information, but is true. I have stuck with my work out program. I am getting results at a slower pace than I had hoped, but they are results.

Scott will be home on Friday for Christmas break, which is great. I am really excited to see him.
Katie's birthday was on the 10th and Kathy's was yesterday. They both got I-phones and are both very happy with them. I inherited Katie's phone and old number. It works for what I need it for, but I feel uncomfortable getting text messages from Katie's 14 year old friends. Katie is working on alerting them to her new number, but it is still kind of funny. I tried texting once and was soundly mocked for it by my eldest daughter. I am glad texting prowess is not a sobriety test as yet. My text looked like I was completely plastered. I still like talking to people when I need to communicate. I am getting old, I guess.

I still have yearnings for Hawaii. They just won't go away, especially on days like this one. I would like to go in July, which corresponds with my life change goal of July 1st. It may be hotter there, but I don't care. I want to go scuba diving as a reward for my effort.

I need to go be a father again. Bye!

Jason

Don't let it get me...

It has been a good week so far. I have been fighting a chest cold for the last couple of days. I seem to be winning, so far. Kathy and Grace were sick with the flu today. Whatever bug this turns out to be is a nasty one, or many. It seems to change symptoms each day.

I had a really good night at the gym. I really enjoy using the elliptical trainer. Using it doesn't hurt my knees like the treadmill does. I was able to go really hard for a half an hour tonight. (That's what she said!) (Sorry, the Office has corrupted me) Anyway, I got through my work out but had to sterilize and wipe down the ENTIRE machine when I was done with it. Oh well, it just means I worked hard.

I am back in my work out and eat better groove now that I am feeling better. Who knows, I could wake up tomorrow with double pneumonia. Nothing would surprise me.

Christmas is fast approaching. We decorated our trees on Sunday. One upstairs and one down. It may be a little early, but we had our Thanksgiving a month ago. Also, Halloween is over, so I need something else to look forward to. Kathy watched Elf with the kids tonight. That is on my absolute must see list for Christmas. I also love watching " A Christmas Story". I will not officially declare the Christmas season underway until I watch it. It is amazing how they were able to capture the absolute joy and humour of the Christmas season. I am able to reminisce about my own Christmas memories when I watch it.

My mom and I have always shared a special bond when it comes to Christmas. She has always been as excited or more about it than I have. I, in turn, am like that with my kids as well. I am really excited that she will be spending Christmas Eve with us. I am 38 years old and still have just as much trouble sleeping Christmas Eve as I did when I was little. The pattern is the same, I will wake up every hour on the hour until the kids wake up. If it goes too late, I have no problem waking the kids up. I am supposed to say that I don't think of myself and that I am happy to give and see what the kids get. The first statement is a pile of crap. I do think of myself, but I also am happy to give and see what the kids get. That is as close to selfless at Christmas as I can muster.

Scott will be coming home for Christmas, which will make this one extra special. I really miss him and look forward to sitting in his room, or wherever we have a working stereo, and listen to music with him.

I need to go to bed.

One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

It has been a rough week. I have had a flu for about a week now. It is not the much heralded H1N1, but it is bad enough to have shut me down for a few days. I know I am on the mend, it is just taking longer than I want it to.

I am about a week behind with my exercise program, but that is underway again, so that is good news. The elliptical machine is my new favorite cardio device. My body is not built to operate it with much grace, but I got through it. I am still trying to get used to it. I hope to be able to take a drink from a water bottle without falling off or spilling all over myself. I do take comfort in the fact that I am alone most of the time while working out. There was sweat flying all over the place. I may have celebrated every quarter mile with an exertion fart or two. Everyone rewards themselves differently.

My body is a funny contraption. I have always been a little oddly proportioned. I carry all of my weight above my waist which, in addition to my family history of heart problems, does not help my blood pressure. My arms and legs remain relatively slim compared to my torso. My arms and legs are also the first things to show weight loss when it starts to happen. That is where I am noticing a difference now. I have to tell myself that I am not an apple with popsicle stick arms and legs, and that my torso will follow suit soon. I feel stronger and am able to lift more weight every time I go to the gym, so progress is being made.

I have another trip to Edmonton on Wednesday for union business. I am only up there until Friday. I am flying again, so hopefully it will be uneventful this time. I didn't mention the groin pat down I got in the Edmonton airport on my way back last time. There is only a slightly smaller amount of discomfort having a male attendant do the pat down. My first instinct is to make a joke to break the discomfort, but I kept my mouth shut and stared at the wall. I probably would have been tasered and declared a flight risk if I would have said anything stupid.

Anyway, another week is almost here, so I had better go get some sleep before it punches me in the face tomorrow.

Feel the burn

I am happy to report that my newly resurrected exercise/weight loss/ take care of myself so I don't die plan is starting to work.

I joined the new Flex Fitness gym here in Stirling about 3 weeks ago. I have been doing a rip off of the Body for Life program that I really quite like. It consists of a 3 day rotation of upper body weights/ cardio/ lower body weights. I have combined that with the Weight Watchers online program, which is cool because I can track my food intake at work and wherever else I go. It has been a struggle to change my eating habits, but that is coming along nicely.

I noticed a difference in my leg strength tonight, which is really neat to see. I am now able to lift and do multiple reps with the whole 200 lb stack on the leg press machine. I couldn't do that when I first started. I am prone to becoming impatient with my progress. I have to keep reminding myself that this will take quite a while to do.

There is something really important that occurred to me before I started again with my weight training. I have started and quit dieting numerous times in my life. I figured out what it is that I was missing in my previous attempts. I always thought and told myself that I was a worthless piece of crap unless I was thin and healthy. What it different this time is that I have forced myself to believe that I am a worthwhile and a good person before I started this again, and that my self worth is no longer dependent on my weight. That has been really difficult to do, but is really what drives me to keep going when I get tired or feel stressed.

I still have people say really hurtful things about my weight. At least now I can deflect those comments and not internalize and bludgeon myself with them. I have a clear goal and picture in my mind of what I want to look like and how I want to be. I am already a good person who is undergoing some renovations at the moment.

I still have a list of my perceived deficiencies and weaknesses. I am very proud to say that I am working on all of them at the same time. I feel hope and optimism for myself that was not there earlier this year. Things were extremely dark there for a while and I am not willing to go back to that.

I was in Edmonton last week for union contract negotiations. I took my exercise clothes with me and went to the fitness center at the Mayfield Inn where I was staying. I am a creature of habit. I like working out when I get off work in the little gym in Stirling when no one is around. Being in Edmonton in a crowded gym with a bunch of people I didn't know wasn't easy, but I went anyway. It was awkward holding the gaze of a Russian man with a perfectly round head as his face went crimson due to the pectoral exercises he was doing. I avoided eye contact with anyone after that.

I need to go find what I did with my I-tunes card. I got it to reward myself a little bit.

Good night...

Jay Jay the Jet Plane

It is 1:10 a.m. and I am sitting in the business center at the Mayfield Inn in Edmonton. I am wide awake and sharp as a tack, since I fell asleep at about 8:00 last night reviewing collective agreements from Ontario, in preparation for another round of pre negotiation union meetings this morning.

I had the choice to fly or drive up here at chose to fly, thinking there would be less hassle. NNNNO DICE!!!!!

My flight from Lethbridge to Calgary went without incident and I felt a real member of the jet set, seeing how my local member of the legislative assembly, Rick Casson, was in a seat not two rows ahead of me. There was also a general authority from our recent stake conference on the plane whose name escapes me, seeing how I woke up at 11:00 a.m. on Sunday and missed the meeting. I do feel bad about that one.

The flight from Calgary to Edmonton was not so special. It was aboard Air Canada Jazz flight 8158. Leaving the airport happened without incident. We were above Red Deer when the pilot made what I thought was a course correction, as the plane banked hard left and then straightened out. It was dark, and since I had not been tasked with the job of navigator, I didn't pay full attention to how far we had turned, until I noted that the sun was setting on the wrong side of the plane for us to be still headed to Edmonton. It was shortly after that that the pilot called to speak to the flight attendant.

He then announced over the public address system that the plane had a suspected case of smoke in the baggage compartment and that we had turned back to Calgary for an immediate landing. He did his best to sound calm, saying that it was probably just a faulty sensor and that we were returning for precautionary measures. It was at this point that I began to realize that our flight attendant was not the most kind, or calm, person aboard the plane. While on the phone with the pilots, she repeated barked at them because she was having a hard time hearing them.

We landed safely, which is good, but were forced to shut down the engines and wait on the tarmac with multiple fire trucks parked on either side of the plane, with lights flashing. I did a good job of remaining calm, but others did not. I don't like the thought of being in a flammable cylindrical tube loaded with people, jet fuel, plastic and narrow walkways. Adding to that, the cylindrical tube is a DeHavilland Dash 8 turbo prop commuter jet that has been grounded recently in certain American carriers for landing gear failure and occasionally crashing into the earth.

The tension got to a woman sitting near the rear of the plane, which is where the baggage compartment is that may or may not have been on fire. She wanted off the plane right then. Out the emergency exits and onto the tarmac of the super busy Calgary airport which is not the safest spot to wander, but better than being inside a plane that may or may not be on fire. I have watched enough reality TV to know what happens to frozen chickens and air craft carrier staff that have the misfortune of getting sucked into jet engines to know that we were probably better off staying on the plane. For some though, terror does not breed logic, tranquility or reason.

Enter the Florence Nightengale of the stewardess staff of Air Canada. Instead of calmly reassuring this passenger that everything would be fine, she asked quite sharply for the woman to read a book or something because she was stressing her out. The stewardess became increasingly agitated with all aboard the plane. This part of the story is where I can sympathize with her though. Instead of opening the baggage door on the outside of the air craft to look for fire, which reason would say should be done by a firefighter, our stewardess was told to open the cabin baggage door to see if she could see anything.

If there was a fire and smoke, there are some things that I don't like about this scenario. If she opens the door and finds fire, the rush of breathing air filling the cabin would only add as an accelerant to the flames in the baggage compartment and to the panic and fear of the passengers, seeing as how the smoke and flames formerly contained in the baggage compartment would now be free to mingle with the 50 passengers and one very flammable flight attendant. Also, since the fire would be confirmed as a yes, the flight attendant would no longer have the moxie to legibly tell the pilots there is a fire as she is being trampled by those of us who no longer want to sit in the back of the plane.

Happily though, the flight attendant and firefighters worked together to confirm that what we were facing was indeed a faulty sensor and that we would be returning to the terminal to have the air craft checked out and to de board the plane. That was o.k. with me, since I much prefer sitting in the terminal to being on fire. I do have to say that our flight attendant may need some crisis or stress management, as she became increasingly agitated before we landed with those of us who wouldn't turn off our electronical ( direct quote) devices. One very funny French Canadian gentleman shared with some of us ,once we de boarded the plane, that he kept unbuckling his seat belt just to "stir the pot" with the flight attendant. She finally asked him if there was something wrong with him that he kept doing that.

I was lucky enough to get on the next flight to Edmonton, but my luggage was not so lucky. I had to fill out a lost luggage form at the baggage claim and was given an Air Canada overnight bag for my trouble. I got here to the hotel and opened it, happy to find toiletry items I desperately needed. I am still perplexed by the plain white t-shirt that was included in the package. It is too small for me, for one thing, and is a little sheer for my standard of dress. I have always been leery of salesmen or anyone whose nipples, moles and skin are visible under a dress or t-shirt. Maybe they provide it as a clean barrier between you and the top half your day old clothes. If you have to meet with anyone who has a curious dog and you are not your freshest downstairs, however, you may still be subject to an uncomfortable sniff of the midsection.
I do fear what selection of underwear they would provide. If those are also too small, your protruding eyes and purple face may frighten the dog away anyway.

To me though, it seemed that all it would prepare me for was the rare chance that I would be challenged to a wet t-shirt contest. If that happens at any time this week, I am covered. Maybe there is a 50's night at the Legion that I can go to, since I do now have jeans and my leather jacket with me.

I am happy to report that my luggage arrived and I now have all the clothes I need. I am grateful that things turned out as well as they did.

Good night...

Lament

I have been saddened with the news of the tsunami in Samoa. It is a sacred place to me, not only because of my Dad's experiences there, but because of my own life changing associations with the Samoan people. My hope is that those who have lost their lives are at peace, and that those left behind are being helped and comforted. My thoughts and prayers are with them. I am really glad to hear of aid being sent so quickly from Hawaii and from other parts of the world. I wish I could be there to help as well.

The title of my post is the name of a song by Midge Ure's former band called Ultravox. The reason I chose this title is because my sister Karen is leaving today to move to Halifax. We had a nice gathering at her husband James' parents home last night to see them off. I am sad beyond what I had expected to be.

The song "Lament" is what I listened to the morning that Karen left to go back to BYU after being home for Christmas, or some other break, when I was in high school. I was the last child at home, as my brother Jeff had left 2 years previously and was still on his mission at that time. I felt alone. It was tough when Jeff left, and even harder when Karen was gone.

I was able to get through that initial separation when she left for school and again when I left on my mission. It was Karen that really got me through some discouraging times when I was there. I loved getting letters from her. She took good care of me by sending packages, tapes and the funniest letters I have ever read. Not only was her literary artistry enough to make me pee my pants laughing, but also her gift of sketching what was happening at home that would really bring such joy.

My parents and Karen lived with my grandparents in their basement during the early summer of 1992 before moving to the acreage at Harrisville. My mother had the misfortune of slipping while she was descending the stairs into the basement. I was lucky enough to get a letter containing a full description along with a picture penned from my Grandpa's view at the top of the stairs. I can still see the drawing of my mother's buttocks as she "cascaded"(direct qoute) down the stairs. My mother was fond of stirrup pants at that time, so Karen kindly sketched the distressed worn crotch area of her favorite pants. It always helped me feel at home when I was sitting in a mission apartment in Utah.

Karen is someone who "gets" me. She understands how my mind works and has always been able to help me, and most importantly, has always made time for me. My grandmother Lucille Bevan is who Karen gets her middle name from. My grandma always made me feel good about myself and I loved being around her. Karen has that same gift. We have been through a lot together and I will miss her while they are away.

I am sad because I know how life gets busy and fear that we will drift apart. Jeff has been away since 1986 and I really miss him. I have gotten used to being apart from him, but I still really dislike it. This summer was really nice since we got the chance to all be together as a family. That closeness we had as brothers when we were young has been gone of late, but feels like it is returning. It takes work to keep people close and I hope that we all can keep from drifting apart.

I am supposed to say that I am happy that everyone is going to places where they can provide for themselves and that we will be fine. In a way I am, but I really cherish those times when everyone is close and laughing together. I really look forward to what Karen has to send me on Facebook.

My nephew Ayden is someone I am really going to miss. He was the first baby I had any involvement with. When he was born I went to see what the nurses were doing when they had to take a blood sample from his foot. He started to cry when they pricked his foot. I turned away from the window and bawled like a baby when I got back into Karen's room. I got to bless him in our ward when he was a baby and that is something very dear to me. He has always been extra special (good special) to me. When he is at our house I still love being around him to hear his funny stories. Read his blog.

When I picture what heaven will be like, I see everyone together laughing about something. No one has to leave to go anywhere and everyone is safe and happy. Now to make that picture celestial, it would all happen in a fale in Samoa with the breeze blowing and more Samoan food than we can eat.

To my family, I love you dearly and am hoping for your success. I can't wait until everyone can get together again. To my Samoan friends in Samoa and abroad, my prayers are for you and your families. I love you and hope to see you soon.

Jason