It has been a good Sunday. I watched most of two sessions of conference. I can't account for the last 15-20 minutes of the afternoon session, but I enjoyed what I was awake for. We went to Mom's house and spent the day with her. She cooked us a very lovely lunch. She has always had a gift of making special occasions really nice. This Easter was no different. I got to search with the kids for some treats hidden in her house, just like I did when we would go visit my grandparents in Tooele, Utah when I was young. My lust for candy hasn't changed since I was a kid, I just don't have the 70's hair helmet anymore. My mom made me feel special today, which is a gift she inherited from my Grandma Bevan, who is her mother. All my grandparents are now gone, so it is nice to experience traditions that help me feel close to them again.
Feeling grounded in family traditions is a great gift. When my parents got divorced, one thing I feared was that those traditions would somehow be lost. I am happy to say that since then, I have learned to focus on what still is there, instead of what is missing. My family unit is still there, just operating under somewhat unique circumstances.
Feeling grounded in my own self has been something that has been fleeting to say the least, but I am happy to say that I have made huge strides in this area. I have been in counseling for over a year to get my issues figured out. I am happy to say that I am experiencing, more often, the personal peace that I have been seeking. I have been working hard to get my mind healthy, and have been working hard to get my body in better shape.
I have been pretty dependent on others to the point of annoyance to give me the sense of self worth that I have wanted. I have been able to manufacture my own self esteem, which started with me having to force myself to think positively about myself, despite what I saw in the mirror and in spite of the list of my faults I would beat myself with.
I am also taking too long on the computer and being glared at by my 15 year old daughter. That is o.k. I can destroy her with my new found mind powers. I had better go.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The man whose arms exploded
I went to the gym last night after work and turned on the TV before I began my workout. I was greeted by the delightful program on TLC called "The man whose arms exploded". WOW! Talk about finding motivation! I have been looking for a way to have freakishly large arms that I could squeeze puss out of for a while now.....while filming it. The man whose arms exploded mentioned that he was using dirty needles and that is what caused the infection that caused his arms to "explode". Who says steroids are bad and impair judgement? If only he had been smart and properly sterilized his needles first. Let that be a lesson to all.
I don't see that appeal of having arms so large that you can't properly use them. I have seen ladies leading the singing at church through out my life that had large relief society arm tricep sacs that could really get them swinging during "Onward Christian Soldiers" or an equally rousing hymn. I was mesmerized watching them as a young boy, wondering if they felt like the bread dough that they resembled. Maybe that is the goal of all serious steroid users to brandish their large caliber guns as a ward chorister. Like I said, talk about motivation!
I did have a good work out last night. I can now distinguish my arm and shoulder muscles from the flab on my arms, so things are going well. I tried to buy one of those weightlifting magazines but didn't. I think the only way most of those guys could get more defined and cut is if they skinned themselves. I can't wait to see a show about that on TLC. I could probably get my own show on TLC if I featured little people weightlifters with 19 kids who made cakes and chocolate and were doctors. TV sucks, except for Discovery and History Channel.
I should actually pay attention to what time it is so I can get ready for work and get Josh to daycare.
I don't see that appeal of having arms so large that you can't properly use them. I have seen ladies leading the singing at church through out my life that had large relief society arm tricep sacs that could really get them swinging during "Onward Christian Soldiers" or an equally rousing hymn. I was mesmerized watching them as a young boy, wondering if they felt like the bread dough that they resembled. Maybe that is the goal of all serious steroid users to brandish their large caliber guns as a ward chorister. Like I said, talk about motivation!
I did have a good work out last night. I can now distinguish my arm and shoulder muscles from the flab on my arms, so things are going well. I tried to buy one of those weightlifting magazines but didn't. I think the only way most of those guys could get more defined and cut is if they skinned themselves. I can't wait to see a show about that on TLC. I could probably get my own show on TLC if I featured little people weightlifters with 19 kids who made cakes and chocolate and were doctors. TV sucks, except for Discovery and History Channel.
I should actually pay attention to what time it is so I can get ready for work and get Josh to daycare.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Blog envy
After perusing a blog or two of some close relatives, I realized that my blog leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps the black background and lack of any real eye candy detract from a blog title that I think is still quite clever. I feel embraced by some blogs I see and am quite in awe of the visual and audio spectacle that opens before me.
If I have some time, I may throw in a recipe or two and maybe some music to ensnare the senses of the reader. If you want pictures of flowers and baskets of smelly things, this still will not be the place to visit. Maybe I could teach people valuable lessons and tips about whatever it is that I know.
If I ever get around to putting any of my project vehicles together, I will include photos of that kind of thing. Maybe no one will like to see it, but at least I will like it.
Putting funny pictures from the internet on Facebook for my profile pictures is getting a little old, so I will use this as my creative outlet. The caveat with this, as always, is that I hope to have enough time to do this. Maybe all I will have time for is what fixing garbage trucks looks like, since that takes the majority of my time.
I need to get to bed, so I will continue ramblin' on later....
If I have some time, I may throw in a recipe or two and maybe some music to ensnare the senses of the reader. If you want pictures of flowers and baskets of smelly things, this still will not be the place to visit. Maybe I could teach people valuable lessons and tips about whatever it is that I know.
If I ever get around to putting any of my project vehicles together, I will include photos of that kind of thing. Maybe no one will like to see it, but at least I will like it.
Putting funny pictures from the internet on Facebook for my profile pictures is getting a little old, so I will use this as my creative outlet. The caveat with this, as always, is that I hope to have enough time to do this. Maybe all I will have time for is what fixing garbage trucks looks like, since that takes the majority of my time.
I need to get to bed, so I will continue ramblin' on later....
Sunday, January 24, 2010
End of January
I don't seem to have a lot of time to post much here anymore. There are funny things still happening that are worth mentioning, but I can never remember them when I sit down here.
Oh well.
It has been awfully busy this past month. Christmas went well. Scott and Kelsey's visit was really nice. I was really happy to spend some time with them.
I have had some clouds of worry regarding my employment situation creep in. I was really close to having my position cut for budget reasons at the end of 2009. They have decided not to, which is great, but my natural paranoia is having a hard time trusting that it won't happen if things don't get busier down here. Things are business as usual until I hear different, I guess. I am more fortunate than others have been and I am grateful for that. I still have been able to feel a sense of peace about this, even if I did get laid off. I am working on a contingency plan to cover myself though, and it is NOT as a male gigolo.
I still have been going to the gym regularly and am still eating better. I had been struggling to see a difference in my appearance until I looked at some pictures that were taken at my family reunion in July. There is a big difference in my stomach. I look like I had just polished off eating a big meal and perhaps one of my smaller cousins by accident.
My goal for 2010 is still to be consistent. I have been and have made it to January 24th so far without breaking that resolution. What I am working toward when it comes to work, church and being me is just to string a bunch of good days together and to work my ass off in all areas. I really enjoy and depend on going to the gym every day. I can leave stress and frustration there instead of letting it permeate my mood and ruin my day.
I need to get to bed, as Monday just arrived. (insert expletive here)
Oh well.
It has been awfully busy this past month. Christmas went well. Scott and Kelsey's visit was really nice. I was really happy to spend some time with them.
I have had some clouds of worry regarding my employment situation creep in. I was really close to having my position cut for budget reasons at the end of 2009. They have decided not to, which is great, but my natural paranoia is having a hard time trusting that it won't happen if things don't get busier down here. Things are business as usual until I hear different, I guess. I am more fortunate than others have been and I am grateful for that. I still have been able to feel a sense of peace about this, even if I did get laid off. I am working on a contingency plan to cover myself though, and it is NOT as a male gigolo.
I still have been going to the gym regularly and am still eating better. I had been struggling to see a difference in my appearance until I looked at some pictures that were taken at my family reunion in July. There is a big difference in my stomach. I look like I had just polished off eating a big meal and perhaps one of my smaller cousins by accident.
My goal for 2010 is still to be consistent. I have been and have made it to January 24th so far without breaking that resolution. What I am working toward when it comes to work, church and being me is just to string a bunch of good days together and to work my ass off in all areas. I really enjoy and depend on going to the gym every day. I can leave stress and frustration there instead of letting it permeate my mood and ruin my day.
I need to get to bed, as Monday just arrived. (insert expletive here)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Baby, It's Cold Outside!
I woke up to a balmy -32 degrees Celsius this morning. For my American relatives, and those with an aversion to the metric system, that converts to -26 degrees Fahrenheit. Our van wouldn't start and Kathy walked to work. That is two blocks from our house with a -50 windchill, but she is a tough as nails, ironclad pioneer woman. Having the extension cord plug packed with snow wouldn't allow the block heater to work properly. I also had to bring my battery charger inside to thaw it with Kathy's hair dryer so it would run. I got it thawed and the van started. My car is plugged in and hopefully should start before I head to work this afternoon. My truck battery is dead, sulfated and needs to be replaced. The frozen extension cord is upstairs thawing over a heat register. This is truly a Canadian winter morning.
My work cell hasn't started ringing yet, which is good. It is usually colder in Medicine Hat than in Lethbridge, so I have had issues to contend with recently due to the extreme cold. I maintain the truck fleets for Waste Management in both cities and have worked to ready the trucks for use in the extreme cold. So far, so good.
Life has been busy lately. As usual, my sausage fingers and subconscious mind typed busty. Life has not been busty, just busy. If anything, it is less busty, with my steadily shrinking man boobs.
That is too much information, but is true. I have stuck with my work out program. I am getting results at a slower pace than I had hoped, but they are results.
Scott will be home on Friday for Christmas break, which is great. I am really excited to see him.
Katie's birthday was on the 10th and Kathy's was yesterday. They both got I-phones and are both very happy with them. I inherited Katie's phone and old number. It works for what I need it for, but I feel uncomfortable getting text messages from Katie's 14 year old friends. Katie is working on alerting them to her new number, but it is still kind of funny. I tried texting once and was soundly mocked for it by my eldest daughter. I am glad texting prowess is not a sobriety test as yet. My text looked like I was completely plastered. I still like talking to people when I need to communicate. I am getting old, I guess.
I still have yearnings for Hawaii. They just won't go away, especially on days like this one. I would like to go in July, which corresponds with my life change goal of July 1st. It may be hotter there, but I don't care. I want to go scuba diving as a reward for my effort.
I need to go be a father again. Bye!
Jason
My work cell hasn't started ringing yet, which is good. It is usually colder in Medicine Hat than in Lethbridge, so I have had issues to contend with recently due to the extreme cold. I maintain the truck fleets for Waste Management in both cities and have worked to ready the trucks for use in the extreme cold. So far, so good.
Life has been busy lately. As usual, my sausage fingers and subconscious mind typed busty. Life has not been busty, just busy. If anything, it is less busty, with my steadily shrinking man boobs.
That is too much information, but is true. I have stuck with my work out program. I am getting results at a slower pace than I had hoped, but they are results.
Scott will be home on Friday for Christmas break, which is great. I am really excited to see him.
Katie's birthday was on the 10th and Kathy's was yesterday. They both got I-phones and are both very happy with them. I inherited Katie's phone and old number. It works for what I need it for, but I feel uncomfortable getting text messages from Katie's 14 year old friends. Katie is working on alerting them to her new number, but it is still kind of funny. I tried texting once and was soundly mocked for it by my eldest daughter. I am glad texting prowess is not a sobriety test as yet. My text looked like I was completely plastered. I still like talking to people when I need to communicate. I am getting old, I guess.
I still have yearnings for Hawaii. They just won't go away, especially on days like this one. I would like to go in July, which corresponds with my life change goal of July 1st. It may be hotter there, but I don't care. I want to go scuba diving as a reward for my effort.
I need to go be a father again. Bye!
Jason
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Don't let it get me...
It has been a good week so far. I have been fighting a chest cold for the last couple of days. I seem to be winning, so far. Kathy and Grace were sick with the flu today. Whatever bug this turns out to be is a nasty one, or many. It seems to change symptoms each day.
I had a really good night at the gym. I really enjoy using the elliptical trainer. Using it doesn't hurt my knees like the treadmill does. I was able to go really hard for a half an hour tonight. (That's what she said!) (Sorry, the Office has corrupted me) Anyway, I got through my work out but had to sterilize and wipe down the ENTIRE machine when I was done with it. Oh well, it just means I worked hard.
I am back in my work out and eat better groove now that I am feeling better. Who knows, I could wake up tomorrow with double pneumonia. Nothing would surprise me.
Christmas is fast approaching. We decorated our trees on Sunday. One upstairs and one down. It may be a little early, but we had our Thanksgiving a month ago. Also, Halloween is over, so I need something else to look forward to. Kathy watched Elf with the kids tonight. That is on my absolute must see list for Christmas. I also love watching " A Christmas Story". I will not officially declare the Christmas season underway until I watch it. It is amazing how they were able to capture the absolute joy and humour of the Christmas season. I am able to reminisce about my own Christmas memories when I watch it.
My mom and I have always shared a special bond when it comes to Christmas. She has always been as excited or more about it than I have. I, in turn, am like that with my kids as well. I am really excited that she will be spending Christmas Eve with us. I am 38 years old and still have just as much trouble sleeping Christmas Eve as I did when I was little. The pattern is the same, I will wake up every hour on the hour until the kids wake up. If it goes too late, I have no problem waking the kids up. I am supposed to say that I don't think of myself and that I am happy to give and see what the kids get. The first statement is a pile of crap. I do think of myself, but I also am happy to give and see what the kids get. That is as close to selfless at Christmas as I can muster.
Scott will be coming home for Christmas, which will make this one extra special. I really miss him and look forward to sitting in his room, or wherever we have a working stereo, and listen to music with him.
I need to go to bed.
I had a really good night at the gym. I really enjoy using the elliptical trainer. Using it doesn't hurt my knees like the treadmill does. I was able to go really hard for a half an hour tonight. (That's what she said!) (Sorry, the Office has corrupted me) Anyway, I got through my work out but had to sterilize and wipe down the ENTIRE machine when I was done with it. Oh well, it just means I worked hard.
I am back in my work out and eat better groove now that I am feeling better. Who knows, I could wake up tomorrow with double pneumonia. Nothing would surprise me.
Christmas is fast approaching. We decorated our trees on Sunday. One upstairs and one down. It may be a little early, but we had our Thanksgiving a month ago. Also, Halloween is over, so I need something else to look forward to. Kathy watched Elf with the kids tonight. That is on my absolute must see list for Christmas. I also love watching " A Christmas Story". I will not officially declare the Christmas season underway until I watch it. It is amazing how they were able to capture the absolute joy and humour of the Christmas season. I am able to reminisce about my own Christmas memories when I watch it.
My mom and I have always shared a special bond when it comes to Christmas. She has always been as excited or more about it than I have. I, in turn, am like that with my kids as well. I am really excited that she will be spending Christmas Eve with us. I am 38 years old and still have just as much trouble sleeping Christmas Eve as I did when I was little. The pattern is the same, I will wake up every hour on the hour until the kids wake up. If it goes too late, I have no problem waking the kids up. I am supposed to say that I don't think of myself and that I am happy to give and see what the kids get. The first statement is a pile of crap. I do think of myself, but I also am happy to give and see what the kids get. That is as close to selfless at Christmas as I can muster.
Scott will be coming home for Christmas, which will make this one extra special. I really miss him and look forward to sitting in his room, or wherever we have a working stereo, and listen to music with him.
I need to go to bed.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest
It has been a rough week. I have had a flu for about a week now. It is not the much heralded H1N1, but it is bad enough to have shut me down for a few days. I know I am on the mend, it is just taking longer than I want it to.
I am about a week behind with my exercise program, but that is underway again, so that is good news. The elliptical machine is my new favorite cardio device. My body is not built to operate it with much grace, but I got through it. I am still trying to get used to it. I hope to be able to take a drink from a water bottle without falling off or spilling all over myself. I do take comfort in the fact that I am alone most of the time while working out. There was sweat flying all over the place. I may have celebrated every quarter mile with an exertion fart or two. Everyone rewards themselves differently.
My body is a funny contraption. I have always been a little oddly proportioned. I carry all of my weight above my waist which, in addition to my family history of heart problems, does not help my blood pressure. My arms and legs remain relatively slim compared to my torso. My arms and legs are also the first things to show weight loss when it starts to happen. That is where I am noticing a difference now. I have to tell myself that I am not an apple with popsicle stick arms and legs, and that my torso will follow suit soon. I feel stronger and am able to lift more weight every time I go to the gym, so progress is being made.
I have another trip to Edmonton on Wednesday for union business. I am only up there until Friday. I am flying again, so hopefully it will be uneventful this time. I didn't mention the groin pat down I got in the Edmonton airport on my way back last time. There is only a slightly smaller amount of discomfort having a male attendant do the pat down. My first instinct is to make a joke to break the discomfort, but I kept my mouth shut and stared at the wall. I probably would have been tasered and declared a flight risk if I would have said anything stupid.
Anyway, another week is almost here, so I had better go get some sleep before it punches me in the face tomorrow.
I am about a week behind with my exercise program, but that is underway again, so that is good news. The elliptical machine is my new favorite cardio device. My body is not built to operate it with much grace, but I got through it. I am still trying to get used to it. I hope to be able to take a drink from a water bottle without falling off or spilling all over myself. I do take comfort in the fact that I am alone most of the time while working out. There was sweat flying all over the place. I may have celebrated every quarter mile with an exertion fart or two. Everyone rewards themselves differently.
My body is a funny contraption. I have always been a little oddly proportioned. I carry all of my weight above my waist which, in addition to my family history of heart problems, does not help my blood pressure. My arms and legs remain relatively slim compared to my torso. My arms and legs are also the first things to show weight loss when it starts to happen. That is where I am noticing a difference now. I have to tell myself that I am not an apple with popsicle stick arms and legs, and that my torso will follow suit soon. I feel stronger and am able to lift more weight every time I go to the gym, so progress is being made.
I have another trip to Edmonton on Wednesday for union business. I am only up there until Friday. I am flying again, so hopefully it will be uneventful this time. I didn't mention the groin pat down I got in the Edmonton airport on my way back last time. There is only a slightly smaller amount of discomfort having a male attendant do the pat down. My first instinct is to make a joke to break the discomfort, but I kept my mouth shut and stared at the wall. I probably would have been tasered and declared a flight risk if I would have said anything stupid.
Anyway, another week is almost here, so I had better go get some sleep before it punches me in the face tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
