It has been a good Sunday. I watched most of two sessions of conference. I can't account for the last 15-20 minutes of the afternoon session, but I enjoyed what I was awake for. We went to Mom's house and spent the day with her. She cooked us a very lovely lunch. She has always had a gift of making special occasions really nice. This Easter was no different. I got to search with the kids for some treats hidden in her house, just like I did when we would go visit my grandparents in Tooele, Utah when I was young. My lust for candy hasn't changed since I was a kid, I just don't have the 70's hair helmet anymore. My mom made me feel special today, which is a gift she inherited from my Grandma Bevan, who is her mother. All my grandparents are now gone, so it is nice to experience traditions that help me feel close to them again.
Feeling grounded in family traditions is a great gift. When my parents got divorced, one thing I feared was that those traditions would somehow be lost. I am happy to say that since then, I have learned to focus on what still is there, instead of what is missing. My family unit is still there, just operating under somewhat unique circumstances.
Feeling grounded in my own self has been something that has been fleeting to say the least, but I am happy to say that I have made huge strides in this area. I have been in counseling for over a year to get my issues figured out. I am happy to say that I am experiencing, more often, the personal peace that I have been seeking. I have been working hard to get my mind healthy, and have been working hard to get my body in better shape.
I have been pretty dependent on others to the point of annoyance to give me the sense of self worth that I have wanted. I have been able to manufacture my own self esteem, which started with me having to force myself to think positively about myself, despite what I saw in the mirror and in spite of the list of my faults I would beat myself with.
I am also taking too long on the computer and being glared at by my 15 year old daughter. That is o.k. I can destroy her with my new found mind powers. I had better go.
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