Fun at church

I should preface this by saying that I'm not sure if everyone "gets" my sense of humor. I am sure those that know me well enough understand how my mind works. When I get bored in public settings it doesn't take long before my mind starts to wander, and I start creating "what would happen if" scenarios. It always involves me humiliating myself or saying something devastatingly stupid to see how people would react to it.
I am always asking Kathy different "What would happen if?" questions when we are at church, shopping or anywhere else for that matter. Most stay safely in the hypothetical realm, but a few have crossed over. Those are the most fun.
I haven't tried many of the things I've thought to do at church. Often times during testimony meeting there is a lull between those who choose to get up. I wonder how it would spruce up the meeting if I were to get up from my seat and hop like a frog either up to the stand or out into the foyer. It certainly would invite discussion. My other thought was to skip merrily up to the front, while clapping my hands between my legs between each skip.
I enjoy singing in the choir. With my calling I am usually unable to attend choir practice which renders me unable to participate in the choir numbers. One Sunday Kathy asked me if I was going to sing in the choir. Instead of simply saying "no", I told her "not yet". I then told her that I would be rising from my seat during the song and strutting to join the choir in full and glorious song.
That would not be the first time in my life that I've disrupted the choir. When I was about 10 or 11, Dad, my brother Jeff and I were in the Leavitt ward choir. Jeff and Dad were there because they wanted to be, I was there because I needed the opportunity to mature and give of myself. That was right in the hey day of SCTV. For those that aren't familiar with SCTV, it was a Canadian sketch comedy show that is similar, and far superior, to Saturday Night Live or Mad TV. Needless to say, we watched it religiously. One character was a mentally unstable lounge singer named Lola Heatherton. One of her catch phrases was " I love you all, and I want to BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!"
I won't name the saintly choir director I offended, but she would always end each choir practice by thanking everyone for coming. As she was wrapping up her testimony one afternoon after choir practice, she closed by saying "I love you all!". I leaned over to my brother Jeff and whispered " and I want to BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!". We were both snickering uncontrollably during the closing prayer, which began immediately after I blurted that out.
It was a silent ride home. I had humiliated my father in front of the entire choir. He never said anything, but I could see that his neck and face were an uncomfortable shade of red as we rode home in the van. The years have taken my recollection of what he said or did to us, or me, more specifically. The next week in choir practice I had to get up and apologize to the choir for disrupting the meeting.
I am the executive secretary in our ward and have a bad habit of telling people that there is a $50 charge for interviews with the bishop that are payable directly to me. Most people laugh, but a few have looked at me a little funny. I have told a few kids awaiting baptism interviews about the gruelling interview process and doctrinal interrogation they were about to endure. If that one doesn't work, I have asked a couple of kids if they new of the baptism "rinse cycle". Messing with the minds of 8 year olds is fun, but something I need to stop doing. I do assure them that I am just joking, but I am not sure if they get it.
Anyway, I should go attend to my young son I have been ignoring, while on the computer...