Jay Jay the Jet Plane

It is 1:10 a.m. and I am sitting in the business center at the Mayfield Inn in Edmonton. I am wide awake and sharp as a tack, since I fell asleep at about 8:00 last night reviewing collective agreements from Ontario, in preparation for another round of pre negotiation union meetings this morning.

I had the choice to fly or drive up here at chose to fly, thinking there would be less hassle. NNNNO DICE!!!!!

My flight from Lethbridge to Calgary went without incident and I felt a real member of the jet set, seeing how my local member of the legislative assembly, Rick Casson, was in a seat not two rows ahead of me. There was also a general authority from our recent stake conference on the plane whose name escapes me, seeing how I woke up at 11:00 a.m. on Sunday and missed the meeting. I do feel bad about that one.

The flight from Calgary to Edmonton was not so special. It was aboard Air Canada Jazz flight 8158. Leaving the airport happened without incident. We were above Red Deer when the pilot made what I thought was a course correction, as the plane banked hard left and then straightened out. It was dark, and since I had not been tasked with the job of navigator, I didn't pay full attention to how far we had turned, until I noted that the sun was setting on the wrong side of the plane for us to be still headed to Edmonton. It was shortly after that that the pilot called to speak to the flight attendant.

He then announced over the public address system that the plane had a suspected case of smoke in the baggage compartment and that we had turned back to Calgary for an immediate landing. He did his best to sound calm, saying that it was probably just a faulty sensor and that we were returning for precautionary measures. It was at this point that I began to realize that our flight attendant was not the most kind, or calm, person aboard the plane. While on the phone with the pilots, she repeated barked at them because she was having a hard time hearing them.

We landed safely, which is good, but were forced to shut down the engines and wait on the tarmac with multiple fire trucks parked on either side of the plane, with lights flashing. I did a good job of remaining calm, but others did not. I don't like the thought of being in a flammable cylindrical tube loaded with people, jet fuel, plastic and narrow walkways. Adding to that, the cylindrical tube is a DeHavilland Dash 8 turbo prop commuter jet that has been grounded recently in certain American carriers for landing gear failure and occasionally crashing into the earth.

The tension got to a woman sitting near the rear of the plane, which is where the baggage compartment is that may or may not have been on fire. She wanted off the plane right then. Out the emergency exits and onto the tarmac of the super busy Calgary airport which is not the safest spot to wander, but better than being inside a plane that may or may not be on fire. I have watched enough reality TV to know what happens to frozen chickens and air craft carrier staff that have the misfortune of getting sucked into jet engines to know that we were probably better off staying on the plane. For some though, terror does not breed logic, tranquility or reason.

Enter the Florence Nightengale of the stewardess staff of Air Canada. Instead of calmly reassuring this passenger that everything would be fine, she asked quite sharply for the woman to read a book or something because she was stressing her out. The stewardess became increasingly agitated with all aboard the plane. This part of the story is where I can sympathize with her though. Instead of opening the baggage door on the outside of the air craft to look for fire, which reason would say should be done by a firefighter, our stewardess was told to open the cabin baggage door to see if she could see anything.

If there was a fire and smoke, there are some things that I don't like about this scenario. If she opens the door and finds fire, the rush of breathing air filling the cabin would only add as an accelerant to the flames in the baggage compartment and to the panic and fear of the passengers, seeing as how the smoke and flames formerly contained in the baggage compartment would now be free to mingle with the 50 passengers and one very flammable flight attendant. Also, since the fire would be confirmed as a yes, the flight attendant would no longer have the moxie to legibly tell the pilots there is a fire as she is being trampled by those of us who no longer want to sit in the back of the plane.

Happily though, the flight attendant and firefighters worked together to confirm that what we were facing was indeed a faulty sensor and that we would be returning to the terminal to have the air craft checked out and to de board the plane. That was o.k. with me, since I much prefer sitting in the terminal to being on fire. I do have to say that our flight attendant may need some crisis or stress management, as she became increasingly agitated before we landed with those of us who wouldn't turn off our electronical ( direct quote) devices. One very funny French Canadian gentleman shared with some of us ,once we de boarded the plane, that he kept unbuckling his seat belt just to "stir the pot" with the flight attendant. She finally asked him if there was something wrong with him that he kept doing that.

I was lucky enough to get on the next flight to Edmonton, but my luggage was not so lucky. I had to fill out a lost luggage form at the baggage claim and was given an Air Canada overnight bag for my trouble. I got here to the hotel and opened it, happy to find toiletry items I desperately needed. I am still perplexed by the plain white t-shirt that was included in the package. It is too small for me, for one thing, and is a little sheer for my standard of dress. I have always been leery of salesmen or anyone whose nipples, moles and skin are visible under a dress or t-shirt. Maybe they provide it as a clean barrier between you and the top half your day old clothes. If you have to meet with anyone who has a curious dog and you are not your freshest downstairs, however, you may still be subject to an uncomfortable sniff of the midsection.
I do fear what selection of underwear they would provide. If those are also too small, your protruding eyes and purple face may frighten the dog away anyway.

To me though, it seemed that all it would prepare me for was the rare chance that I would be challenged to a wet t-shirt contest. If that happens at any time this week, I am covered. Maybe there is a 50's night at the Legion that I can go to, since I do now have jeans and my leather jacket with me.

I am happy to report that my luggage arrived and I now have all the clothes I need. I am grateful that things turned out as well as they did.

Good night...