Lament

I have been saddened with the news of the tsunami in Samoa. It is a sacred place to me, not only because of my Dad's experiences there, but because of my own life changing associations with the Samoan people. My hope is that those who have lost their lives are at peace, and that those left behind are being helped and comforted. My thoughts and prayers are with them. I am really glad to hear of aid being sent so quickly from Hawaii and from other parts of the world. I wish I could be there to help as well.

The title of my post is the name of a song by Midge Ure's former band called Ultravox. The reason I chose this title is because my sister Karen is leaving today to move to Halifax. We had a nice gathering at her husband James' parents home last night to see them off. I am sad beyond what I had expected to be.

The song "Lament" is what I listened to the morning that Karen left to go back to BYU after being home for Christmas, or some other break, when I was in high school. I was the last child at home, as my brother Jeff had left 2 years previously and was still on his mission at that time. I felt alone. It was tough when Jeff left, and even harder when Karen was gone.

I was able to get through that initial separation when she left for school and again when I left on my mission. It was Karen that really got me through some discouraging times when I was there. I loved getting letters from her. She took good care of me by sending packages, tapes and the funniest letters I have ever read. Not only was her literary artistry enough to make me pee my pants laughing, but also her gift of sketching what was happening at home that would really bring such joy.

My parents and Karen lived with my grandparents in their basement during the early summer of 1992 before moving to the acreage at Harrisville. My mother had the misfortune of slipping while she was descending the stairs into the basement. I was lucky enough to get a letter containing a full description along with a picture penned from my Grandpa's view at the top of the stairs. I can still see the drawing of my mother's buttocks as she "cascaded"(direct qoute) down the stairs. My mother was fond of stirrup pants at that time, so Karen kindly sketched the distressed worn crotch area of her favorite pants. It always helped me feel at home when I was sitting in a mission apartment in Utah.

Karen is someone who "gets" me. She understands how my mind works and has always been able to help me, and most importantly, has always made time for me. My grandmother Lucille Bevan is who Karen gets her middle name from. My grandma always made me feel good about myself and I loved being around her. Karen has that same gift. We have been through a lot together and I will miss her while they are away.

I am sad because I know how life gets busy and fear that we will drift apart. Jeff has been away since 1986 and I really miss him. I have gotten used to being apart from him, but I still really dislike it. This summer was really nice since we got the chance to all be together as a family. That closeness we had as brothers when we were young has been gone of late, but feels like it is returning. It takes work to keep people close and I hope that we all can keep from drifting apart.

I am supposed to say that I am happy that everyone is going to places where they can provide for themselves and that we will be fine. In a way I am, but I really cherish those times when everyone is close and laughing together. I really look forward to what Karen has to send me on Facebook.

My nephew Ayden is someone I am really going to miss. He was the first baby I had any involvement with. When he was born I went to see what the nurses were doing when they had to take a blood sample from his foot. He started to cry when they pricked his foot. I turned away from the window and bawled like a baby when I got back into Karen's room. I got to bless him in our ward when he was a baby and that is something very dear to me. He has always been extra special (good special) to me. When he is at our house I still love being around him to hear his funny stories. Read his blog.

When I picture what heaven will be like, I see everyone together laughing about something. No one has to leave to go anywhere and everyone is safe and happy. Now to make that picture celestial, it would all happen in a fale in Samoa with the breeze blowing and more Samoan food than we can eat.

To my family, I love you dearly and am hoping for your success. I can't wait until everyone can get together again. To my Samoan friends in Samoa and abroad, my prayers are for you and your families. I love you and hope to see you soon.

Jason