Ewwwwww!

We are more than halfway through tearing all the basement carpet out. It has turned out to be a more complete time capsule of pet accidents and "what the h$#%! is that?" stains than I had anticipated. We found some funkified 70's carpet in the hallway under the old berber we are tearing out. All we would need to complete the 70's experience for the basement hallway are some macrame plant holders and maybe a velvet painting. Elvis would be nice, or perhaps a scantily clad woman riding a unicorn. I would also need the hair helmet I had when I was a kid in the 70's.

I did have an impressive thatch of hair when I was young. Old women in church would run their fingers through it quite regularly. Perhaps that contributed to the personal space issues I have. It could also have contributed to my baldness, although no one ever tore out a handfull of hair for a souvenier. I am o.k. not having hair and am fine not trying desperately to get it back. I do wonder what possesses some men to purchase a toupee. I think it would be less subtle to wear an "I'm Bald!" sign on a balsa wood frame on your head than to wear a rug.

Whenever I see someone who has one, the toupee seems to consume my thoughts. All features of the person wearing it seem to disappear. I am drawn to touch it or even lift a corner to see how it is attached. The crowning acheivement would be to turn it completely around while still on the head to see if it still offered the same coverage in both directions. I watched a lot of 3 Stooges films when I was young where the toupee would be constantly lifted in mock amazement, or shot off completely. I have always wanted to see if I completely baffled a toupee wearer if it would raise off his head.

I would like to wear one to church one week to see how people react to it. I think a nice blonde one accented by a burnt orange colored spray tan would be SO hot!

I am not sure what that has to do with the stained carpet, but I do find it equally revolting. I could make a nice toupee out of the shag we are putting down. The green fibres interspersed with the brown shag would really bring out the color of my eyes. The only thing that could bring more distinction is if my exzema flare up around my nose. Talk about a classy gentleman!

Good night...

Jason