Are you our teacher, you big fat man?

I thought I should jot down a few notes about what has motivated me to become healthy. It's been a lot more realistic to start and stick with my goal since I've got my depression under control.
I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. The fruits of this have been, and not limited to, low self image and low self esteem, which have fueled my depression until just recently.
I've had some rather harrowing doses of reality lately regarding my health and what would happen to me if I didn't do something about it. Most have come from the health professionals that I've been working with, but others have come through most of my life. I will talk about the professionals first.

I have been meeting with Clayton Witbeck at the Raymond clinic and am part of his health program there. In addition to measuring weight, he measures body fat percentage, total body mass, water weight, etc.

When I first started, we were talking about obesity, and my fat percentage was only a few points below what is considered "morbid obesity". That was and is really embarrassing. All I could think of to say was to ask if there was any type of obesity club card that I qualified for. It would hopefully be good for a few dollars off a motorized cart or to get a free box of Twinkies, while I could still bear my own weight.

There would be nothing more flattering than having to remove the wall of my bedroom and hoist me from the house with a fork lift and flat bed truck to go to the doctor, or a fat farm, as I watched in a documentary. This happened to the gentleman being featured in the show. He told all about the day he was cooking breakfast and could no longer walk. They followed him on his journey via flat bed truck, covered in a sheet, into the fat farm and through his struggles with his weight. His wife was an enabler of the worst kind, as one scene showed the nurses discovering his stash of Little Debbie's snack cakes and potato chips his wife had brought him. I watched for a while and turned the channel, hoping that when I next checked in it would have been a happy ending. Not so! He had passed away and they were just discussing the difficulty of cremating him when I stopped watching.

That is a rather drastic and unrealistic comparison to my situation, but it is the sum of every fear I've had about what could happen. Luckily I am now losing weight and exercising, so this fear is diminishing. I have had to write down and be accountable for what I eat and am making healthier food choices.

One thing I find odd is that in an era of supposed political correctness, that fat people have earned an exemption, in that every jack ass on the planet can and will comment on their weight.
I'm not sure what power is given them by exercising their command of the obvious, but they do it with great effort.

I ran into a former coworker while I was getting some stuff for our renovations. He leaned right into the window of my car, quite sure that I still wanted to hear what he was up to. I was staring into his mouth at all the recently vacated tooth sockets and wondering where his teeth had gone. I wondered that to myself, but probably should have done that aloud, as he then told me that I had gained a lot of weight. I have a problem with close talkers, with or without teeth, and felt like rolling up the window and pinning his head in it, but his subsequent screaming and cursing would have opened his mouth a lot farther and closer to me than I wanted to see.

The title of this post is in reference to the earnest question of a young primary girl when Kathy asked me to sub in primary at the last minute when we lived in Olds. That was really quite funny. I gave her class the greatest lesson on new swear words and the benefits of smoking.
Not really, but I felt like it.

If it sounds like I am bitter, I am. But it is helping to motivate me, especially when I am on the treadmill. I think of any smart ass comment about my weight that I can remember and I get angry. I use that anger to push myself farther and faster. By the time I am finished, the anger and tension from the day are gone. It has been really therapeutic.

I am feeling and starting to see a difference. That is really exciting. I have set a date to reach my goal on my birthday of this year. To reward myself, I want to get certified as a scuba diver and go on an offshore boat dive on my birthday in Hawaii. Whenever I get discouraged, I think of how fun that will be.

Good night. That is enough ranting for now...

Jason